Premature Ejaculation
Nov 04, 2022Porn-induced sexual dysfunctions take many forms. I've heard a few times that I don't talk enough about premature ejaculation, including recently from today's Anon.
Anon's words are in italics. My comments and responses are in bold.
I do guide people through recovery from premature ejaculation in my sexual dysfunction recovery course called Reboot, Rewire. But you're right that I haven't made any recent YouTube videos about it. So here we go!
I'll tell you a little bit about my story I've heard about masturbation since age 13 and I tried to do and it didn't work even though I used lube and tried to do fast and hard for maybe over 30 mins but it just didn't work.. Then at age 15 I did it using a specific movement for 20 mins at least .. Since then I took less and less mins each time I do it, and now I can maybe do it within a minute... So, first I guess I had some kind of delayed ejaculation and over time it became some how premature ejaculation...
A lot of sexual dysfunctions have to do with the idiosyncratic ways that people teach themselves to masturbate. Unfortunately, sex education doesn't often include instruction on healthy masturbation techniques. Or warnings about the potential harms of prone masturbation, unlubricated masturbation, or porn use of course.
Now why am I telling you this!!! I'm on NoFap streak since 21th April 2021 And to be honest with you I break that streak once or twice every 2 to 3 months, but lucky me I managed to stop my bad habits and I didn't break it for the last 6 months until yesterday...
Now my question is will being on NoFap make me get back to my default state... and if yes how long would most likely take and did breaking my streak for a day or two made me go back to square zero???? I hope you answer... THANKS IN ADVANCE
Often, people who develop PIPE (porn-induced you-get-it) tried to climax as quickly as possible while masturbating for years, either to avoid getting caught or because they wanted quick relief without wasting too much time. Gradually they trained their bodies to orgasm quickly with minimal stimulation.
Other guys who have never had PE can develop it after they quit porn and start recovery. Simply because they are having fewer orgasms and regaining sensitivity, when they do have sex it can be over quickly. This tends to resolve itself after they become accustomed to having more regular sex.
Before I go further it's important to define exactly what qualifies as “premature”. Frequent porn users can have some unrealistic expectations for how long they should last due to how male porn performers have to operate and how scenes are edited and cut together. Clinically speaking, "Premature ejaculation is a male sexual dysfunction characterized by ejaculation which always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration; and, inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations; and, negative personal consequences, such as distress, bother, frustration, and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy."
So if you’re lasting three minutes and think you have PE, you’re actually within the normal range. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to last longer.
Anxiety can also cause premature ejaculation even in men who have never used porn. Anxiety tends to either make getter erect difficult, promote quick ejaculation, or both. One evolutionary theory as to why this happens is that if you're anxious, it's because you're unsafe. If you're unsafe, it's best to reach orgasm as quickly as possible in order to fertilize your mate and not remain in a vulnerable position longer than necessary.
Anxiety can also cause premature ejaculation even in men who have never used porn. Anxiety tends to either make getter erect difficult, promote quick ejaculation, or both. One evolutionary theory as to why this happens is that if you're anxious, it's because you're unsafe. If you're unsafe, it's best to reach orgasm as quickly as possible in order to fertilize your mate and not remain in a vulnerable position longer than necessary.
PIPE does tend to improve with time away from porn, away from masturbation, and practicing real sex. However, if time in recovery doesn’t resolve your PE or you want more ways to cope with the premature ejaculation right now, then here are a few options for you.
1. Recruit your partner's support
Telling your partner that you struggle with getting too excited and climaxing too quickly can be a big step in the right direction. If they understand the issue and the tactics you might employ like taking breaks, it will help to take the pressure off so that you can work together to have a great mutual experience.
2. Breathing and relaxation techniques
Removing the anxiety factor can help a lot. Taking deep, slow, and rhythmic breaths will help to calm your body, which helps calm the mind. You may notice that your breathing is shallow or uneven or that you're clenching and holding your breath. When you notice this, focus on breathing deeply and slowly in, holding it for a moment, and then slowly exhale. Breath into your belly rather than into your chest. Keep some of your awareness on your breath as you begin sex. Notice too when your muscles are becoming tense, mindfully allowing the tension to dissipate. Your body should be loose and relaxed, just like your mind.
3. The stop-start method
If you start getting too close to the edge, stop moving or pull out entirely and take a break. Calm yourself, relax your body, focus on your breathing, chat with your partner, etc. for at least 20 seconds or until you feel stable and ready to go again. You may have to employ this tactic several times in fairly quick succession, but then you reach a plateau where you can enjoy more vigorous contact without climaxing too quickly.
4. Masturbation practice
If you decide to incorporate pornfree masturbation, then do so in such a way that helps train yourself to last longer. Practice stimulating yourself for at least 5-10 minutes before orgasm, employing some of the previous techniques while doing so.
A warning: Do not use this method unless you are able to achieve and maintain a full erection during pornfree masturbation. Check this video for guidance on how to do this safely and effectively.
Follow these tips, be patient with yourself, and email me your story when you've achieved success! If you need more help than this, get into my Reboot, Rewire course or check out the Overcoming Sexual Dysfunction course on the REMOJO app.
Depressed, Frustrated or Lonely?
It doesn't have to be that way. Get the same guidance that has helped hundreds of men successfully defeat porn, reclaim real sex & build fulfilling lives here.
Free E-Book
Get Wack: Addicted To Internet Porn for free as a PDF. We've learned a lot since then and it doesn't have the detail contained in my courses or the personal insight I provide through coaching, but it will give you a solid foundation to start with!
Email subject titles will be discreet.
