Hopelessly Addicted to Porn by Age 15

I've got a letter today from a teenage rebooter trying to get his life back. I think it demonstrates how bad this stuff is for so many teens. But also, I want these young people to know how much there is to hope for.

Anon's words are in italics. My comments and responses are in bold.

Hi Noah, I want to keep myself anonymous for the contents of the letter.

I always do, and if anyone out there wants a way to share your story and get some feedback, you can send it my way. I definitely don't promise to feature every story, but the better you write it out the higher the chances.

I am from a 3rd world country grew up in a very religious household. Never had any thoughts about sex or girls till I was about 12 and happened to stumble upon a music video that made me feel a way I have never felt before, at this time I haven't had watched porn cause I considered it off limits. Then I tried to suppress what I was feeling because I remembered feeling so scared when I watched it but there was a part of me that liked it in a way. As I said I come from a very traditional household and I knew I had nobody to talk to about this. Even if there were I was too scared and shameful to speak up. I wonder what would have had happened had I told somebody but there is no way to know.

I felt the same way, and the secrecy and isolation only made everything worse. That's one of my aspirations is to encourage families to have more open and honest discussions about sexual health.

So during this time I only watched pictures, nothing more. Then pictures started to get boring. At this point I was only 13 and I stumbled on a website and felt that exact same dopamine rush so hard that I was that scared kid again. It was so scary because it was not even appealing to me at the time, but it was all I had. My life felt too suppressed. I needed to get that energy out but I was always told that I should stay away from girls for religious reasons, So this was my form of escape then slowly I got into the videos. I would watch them frequently. Then covid hit at this point I was still 13 and this was the worst time for me to be locked up in a house with internet. I would do this thing 3-4 times a day then I would feel so much shame that fucked up my self-image. I knew it was wrong but I didn't know what was wrong and to be honest I didn't want to know.

Covid and quarantine did a lot of damage to so many. You're not alone in sinking deeper into this addiction during that time. Escalation is also an extremely common feature of porn use.

I got some will power when I was 14 and went on a 7 day streak my longest at the time and I was so proud of myself. Then I broke it and went back to my cycle I saw my grades die that year in 8th grade. Then came highschool the peak years of teenage experience. I went in with shame and I always felt I was not enough I don't think that part is porn induced, but I know it got worse by the pron. I couldn't walk around with my head held high. I always looked down I was never giving people eye contact. I was not ambitious, I had no drive. So fast forward a year in 10th grade there was this girl I liked and I was hooked I couldn't get my eyes off her. It made me quit porn for a while just talking to her over text was enough (by a while I mean like 3 days), but then she realized I had no drive.

I was very needy and insecure so she would play these games with me. Then a few months later I found out she was dating one of my friends. That killed me.

We all have those scars from early dating experiences man. Don't wallow in regret too much. You need those failures to teach you important lessons.

It was like I wanted to cry but I felt like porn was a better way to process that emotion cause that was all I knew. That gave me a boost to start working out. I still do but even when I started that was not enough to help me quit porn. I know people hate on it but at the time it was my friend, I loved porn. I could escape my responsibilities and life in a video. Then the things I started seeing progressed into something that even I didn't like. It made me question myself. I tried going on streaks but it was not enough I would go max 4 or 5 days. I was a very anxious kid I feared everything I couldn't stand up for myself. Which made me watch more porn. I hated my life at that point and I had accepted that I am an addict.

People use porn and other addictive substances and behaviors as solutions. The dangerous thing about them is that they work. Often they work really well. But over time, they're less and less effective, and your reliance on them starts causing the very pain that you're trying to numb. Cue the vicious cycle.

Then that same year at 15 I stopped getting my morning wood which feels embarrassing even when I say it now. I was so ashamed of myself. Which was perfect for the cycle to continue and at this point I have not told anybody about this. All that burden on a 15 year old boy did some damage. That next year I found out more about the effects of porn and why I do it. It was not enough tho even tho I got better I still couldn't go 2 weeks without it. Around this time I started getting attention from girls but it was so new to me that it felt fake. I wanted my porn which felt normal I didn't want human connection cause I was scared of it.

The adolescent brain is primed to wire your sexuality to what you experience during these years of your life. You wired yourself to screens and solo sex. I know that sucks. But the human brain is marvelous, and you can learn how to enjoy your sexuality with a partner as well. I've seen it happen for hundreds of my clients!

In this time the content I watched progressed so bad till the point where it's not even sex it was a dark place and still is. I didn't know how to deal with sexual things since I knew only porn. I can't look at girls without objectifying them till this day. Since I was 14 I never looked at a girl for who she is. Which is part of why I still haven't got a girl. Then came my senior year which is where I am at. I have learned so much about porn and why I do it. It got better I do it like maybe 3 times a week I got taller more confident in my body and self which made me realize I don't need porn and I went on a 12 day streak. Then I broke the streak and I didn't feel regret like I didn't care. I realize I have wasted my teen life with basically 0 interaction of any kind with a woman. I don't mean to brag but I am a tall quite good looking guy and I have no insecurity about my size. I have the criteria but I can't date.

It's good to have those physical metrics and they can certainly help, but men place too much importance on that stuff. The most important factor in your dating success will without question be your social skills. Of course a porn addiction can severely stunt those, but you've still got so much life ahead of you. Many of the 30, 40, and 50 year-olds I've worked with would LOVE to be in your position. Yes you're still in the hold of your addiction, but you're just starting your adult life and you're AWARE of your problem. That means you can do something about it.

This addiction leaves me drained till the point where I can't stand my family and I am always hesitant with social interactions I give off a weird energy a lot of people have told me that. Not weird in a goofy sense but in a I have something I am hiding. These people are close to me not trying to bully me. I don't know Noah I want to quit but it feels like this is all I have I feel to integrated to this shit I need help I haven't went through with suicide but it's not like I haven't considered it. I feel like a failure I need help.

The only way to guarantee that you never recover from porn addiction and enjoy a beautiful life is to turn yourself off. So don't do that. Explore the resources on this site. Start here: https://myliferebooted.mykajabi.com/start-here

And see this video for more on escalation to extreme content.