"My friends say I'm a completely different person!" (PIED cured after 4 years)Aug 26, 2022
This is a continuation of the man's story I shared in "I just want to be cured of PIED. This is the last straw." Give that story a listen as well if you want more context. I have multiple updates from this man since making that video, and I chose to feature his story anew because it offers a lot of hope for those struggling with long recoveries and long flatlines.
Last we left Anon, he was 19 and had been attempting to recovery from PIED and porn addiction for two years, with many relapses and disappointments, as well as intermittent signs of progress. He was in a couple of different relationships with women whom he had told about his struggles and who were supportive, but each one ended for their own reasons. Anon was having suicidal thoughts and displays of self-harm, but he was re-committing to recovery and had hope for the future.
Three months later...
Anon's words are in italics. My comments and responses are in bold.
Hi Noah, it's great to hear from you, the 90 days hasn't gone as planned, but I'm currently on a week long streak and this is going to be it. This is the streak that does it. However, although I did not make the 90 days, I am still so much better than the last time I emailed you. My mood is so much better, I am more driven, my anxiety is near enough gone.
Feelings are temporary! This is important to remember when things are going great and when they're falling apart. If you think feeling great will or should last forever, you won't be ready for the inevitable challenges and emotional lows. And if you're down and believe that you'll never feel good again, you can spiral and perhaps make decisions you can never take back.
The past couple of weeks I have been going out and really socialising with people, even speaking to girls. I am going to stay away from relationships until I am cured of my PIED, but just talking to these girls, I get so much more satisfaction from simply talking to and flirting with girls, than watching porn. And I think this has really opened my eyes. I know I said that it was the last straw for me just over 90 days ago, but even though I have not had a straight 90 day streak, I am in such a better place than I was when I first emailed you.
Watching you read out my story also really helped me which I found strange, but it only motivated me more. 90 days ago I was depressed, and had very little hope. And now, even though I'm not cured and I've still got a way to go, I am optimistic and driven. I will be cured of my PIED, hopefully by the end of his year. After near months and months of broken streaks I still feel like I'm recovering. Before I would struggle to get an erection even with porn, and now at times I can get one just by fantasising. So even with my lackluster attempts, I am still recovering. But like I said, I truly think that this will be the streak that does it. I will keep you in the loop and thank you again Noah!
You don't have to have crossed the finish line in order to have happiness! Moving forward in your life, making progress, and feeling proud of yourself are enough. Happiness does not mean that you're done, so give yourself permission to be happy along the way!
Hi Noah, to tell you the truth, life has been a big roller coaster since we last spoke. I managed to overcome my addiction to a certain extent multiple times but have never properly recovered. However with the UK being in lockdown due to covid 19, I've found myself back to square one. Without being able to go out, go to work, or anything like that, I am constantly relapsing. I've had a massive binge over the past week and am at an all time low. Although I usually find that after a big binge, I get bored of porn and then it helps me to avoid it for a while, helping me to start my recovery again. Hopefully this is the one.
This is the trap that so many find themselves in. You get motivated to live pornfree and heal, you make progress, you're proud of yourself and doing well. Then you start to forget about the fact that you have a compulsion to use porn. This is good in some ways because you're just moving on and living your life, but it's harmful when you become complacent and aren't prepared for the next perfect storm that pushes you to relapse.
Once you decide you want something, the world is going to test your resolve. I saw a lot of people struggling during quarantine. But not everyone. Challenge also means opportunity to grow, to change, and to overcome. Something tells me you will also overcome!
Hi Noah! It's been a long time since I last emailed you but I just wanted to give you an update on how things are going! I'm the fella who's email you used in your video "I just want to be cured of PIED. This is the last straw" It's been a long journey since I first emailed you, and to be honest not a lot has changed with the PIED situation (guess my first email wasn't the last straw).
However at the same time, mentally, I am in such a better place! Regardless of the PIED! Don't get me wrong, it still eats at me and it still has a negative impact on my life as whole, but nowhere to the extent as it did a couple of years ago! I am 22 years old now and I now feel like I have more purpose and much more to live for! I've found that where I was in life, working somewhere I hated, being around negative people, it made the recovery impossible, because I needed porn to escape my life if that makes sense.
This is so true. However much harm it has caused you, your porn use has served an emotional purpose. You used it to numb or escape difficult emotions and to visit a fantasy world in order to escape from the pain of your real one. While you're still dissatisfied with your real world, it's going to be very difficult to let go of the virtual one.
However now I feel like it is less of a priority for me, I am more focused on other things which I feel takes the edge off and is making the reboot easier for me. Today I broke a streak because I stumbled across some images and it lead to a full relapse. Again, don't get me wrong I feel disappointed and annoyed, but I'm dealing with my relapses a lot better than I used to! Because I know that I will get it sorted eventually!
There's a turning point that happens for each of us, where the story that we believe about ourselves starts to change. Once you pass this turning point, you no longer interpret slip-ups as proof that you can't do this and you'll never be pornfree. Instead, these incidents are merely speedbumps that only momentarily interrupt your forward momentum.
I've also downloaded multiple porn blockers on my phone, as that is what I mainly watch porn on, just as a way to stop random urges. As having sex goes, I've had zero success since I was 19, with my first real partner, who I mentioned in my first email (not saying long distance isn't real, I just don't know how to word it) since my first email. However I have had intimate experiences revolving around foreplay which has also helped me see that having PIED isn't the end of the world! These experiences in a way, have allowed me to build up enough confidence to go out and talk and interact with women, regardless of my PIED! I feel like this has helped me mentally massively!
I don't feel like there's no point trying anymore, which is a huge step for me. This has all lead to me meeting a girl. I have been seeing this girl for a few weeks now and things are going great. Again, same as my past relationships, I told her about my PIED within the first week of us properly talking, just to get it out there, and she was so understanding. Again, this has shown me that it's not all about sex. Just having an emotional connection with someone can be enough. Anyway, sorry for the really long email! I just wanted to update you on my progress! Hope to hear back from you soon!
One thing that Anon does extremely well is honesty and openness with his partners. This skill doesn't guarantee happily ever after, but it damn sure helps. For more tips on how to enjoy intimacy with PIED and successfully rewire, check out this video:
Hey Noah, sorry it's been such a long time since I last updated you. Last year in February I finally overcame my PIED, and a lot of that is due to your guidance. I know we've only spoken a couple of times, but watching your videos helped me tremendously. When I first contacted you for help I was 18-19 years old, unable to get an erection without porn (in some cases even with porn) and now I am 23, soon to be 24, and I am the happiest I have been in a long long time. My PIED is gone. I now have a very healthy sex life with my girlfriend, I am at a point where I can get an erection just from kissing which a few years ago, there was no chance of happening. Now don't get me wrong, my journey probably hasn't been the smoothest of recoveries, there were relapses here and there, but once it was done, it was done and I'd get straight back onto another no pmo streak.
If I remember correctly, my longest streak lasted 206 days! Now, like I said, I feel like I definitely did somethings wrong. After the 100 day mark, me and a girl had planned a night in and I decided I would try viagra, just as a safety net. I had tried viagra before, but because of my mental state and how bad my PIED was, it did nothing. But once my streak was building up, I tried viagra and had successful sex for the first time in years, didn't go soft, didn't finish prematurely, it was great. I started using viagra frequently but I realised I was just replacing one bad habit with another bad habit so I cut down gradually until I stopped using it all together. I feel like it helped me in the fact that it was almost just giving me that extra boost, however I understand that it could have just lead to another problem.
Yeah, Viagra or other ED drugs are a stop-gap, not a real solution. If you only have mild-moderate PIED or have already done some healing, the pills can certainly help in the short term. However, you can become reliant on them, which gets in the way of full recovery in the long term. I think you made the right choice by weaning yourself off of it once you had gained some positive sexual experience.
I also found that having a streak tracking app on my phone helped too, seeing the days of no pmo stacking up gave me so much motivation to keep going!
Excellent point! Of course I recommend REMOJO. Not only will it track your streak, but help you manage urges, learn to build healthier habits, connect you to a community, and much more. Plus it's now FREE.
Curing my PIED hasn't just allowed me to have a normal sex life, it's made me a better person in general. I am now more confident and out going, to the point where a couple of my friends have said that I'm almost a completely different person! Also my knee is doing much better
I just wanted to update you as its been a long process, albeit totally worth it, and you were one of the first people who I reached out too. Keep doing what you're doing man, like I said in my first email, you're a Saint.
Amazing work my man! Enjoy your new lease on life :)
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